I’m In Love With A Stranger

I feel uncomfortable with disclosing just how overdue this post truly is.

But hey, now I have a legit reason behind my complete and utter inability to schedule posts on time. (Your girl has been working her butt off from 7 to 5 every single working day. ) With that being said, a promise is a promise. I have a confession to make. I’ve found myself in love with a complete stranger. He knows absolutely nothing about me and truthfully, I can’t say that I know him all too well either. After all, the tabloids and the internet can conjure up rumours that fit their fancy and Tom Holland could just be falsely portraying this incredibly humble and charismatic persona; that has gotten me weak in the knees and emotional all over.

That’s right. It is the great Tom Holland.

It is absolutely ridiculous for me to proclaim my love for a person whom I have never even been granted the chance to meet. My mind understands this fact very clearly but my heart still insists on pursuing this matter and I, inevitably, just had to give in to it. As always, there is a history behind this newfound impossible love and as always, let the story begin.

I thought that my first encounter with Tom was when he had made his debut as the young and innocent Spider-Man in Captain America: Civil War. Unbeknown to me, I had actually been graced by Tom Holland’s incredible talent many years ago. After or during the Billy days, Tom was able to land the role of ‘Sho’ for the UK edition of Studio Ghibli’s ‘The Secret World Of Arrietty’. Which, astonishingly, was the only English dub version that happened to appeal to me. As you all are aware, English dubs just possess a certain cringe-worthy element (unlike any other) however this specific edition was just one of the rare exceptions.

Now that we’ve touched basis on my brief history with Tom, we shall begin by moving on to my complete and utter excitement of Spider-Man making an appearance in Captain America; Civil War. I’m not even joking, I watched the Civil War trailer for the very first time when I cashed in my free (of course) movie ticket for DeadPool and as soon as Spider-Man stole the Captain’s shield, landed and uttered those fateful words of ‘Hey Everyone’; I was done. Spider-Man has been a long-running superhero of mine and I didn’t care who had landed the role this time because I wasn’t a big fan of the previous actors either.

I did love the fact that Spider-Man was finally included in the whole Marvel Cinematic Universe and Tom Holland’s portrayal of an excited and worrisome teenage Spider-Man had me cheering through all of his scenes. I’m sure that I wouldn’t be the only one in openly admitting that Civil War was pretty darn horrible aside from the airport battle scene. I was completely oblivious of Tom Holland’s existence and as far as I was concerned, this was the first time that I was provided with the chance to see his face on the big screen. At first, I thought nothing of him at all. I loved his scenes and that was it. A big contributing factor, as to why I did not immediately search him up on IMDB, was because of how crucial my studies were for the whole of last year. So I held off the urge to perform any sort of investigation and left it all at just that.

A few months later, I revisited the film and he managed to secure my attention again. From here, it led to watching his interviews, following him on Instagram, increasing the number of his twitter followers, discovering his amazing opportunity of having been cast as Billy for Billy Elliot the Musical and browsing through his past film appearances. It was pretty hectic because I just spiralled into this never-ending black hole of being so completely infatuated with this celebrity. I had rather liked his performances in both Civil War and The Secret World of Arrietty (and unfortunately there were no videos of his Billy live performances online), I did venture on to explore and discover more of his other performances and hence, The Impossible.

I was contemplating the viewing of this film. It did look rather interesting as it was based on a true story of how devastating the 2004 tsunami was in Thailand and how miraculous it was that an entire family survived through such turmoil. The fact that Ewan McGregor played the role of the father had me even more intrigued however, the tipping point that had me completely jumping on board was the fact that my parents also recommended this film for me to watch it. Who am I to deny a recommendation?

Thus, I sat down one afternoon and just powered through The Impossible. I feel a review creeping up on me so I shall do my utmost best to stay away from delivering any forms of synopses, thoughts and opinions on anything other than Tom. I initially felt a very strong annoyance towards Lucas (Tom’s character and the marvellous eldest son) however, once Lucas learnt that he could be of use and he accepted the fact that being scared didn’t naturally mean you lacked bravery, he completely touched my heart. Tom must have been only 12-14 years of age during that performance but he was able to channel through all of that emotion and truly bring justice to Lucas’ story.

I wasn’t completely sure if the directors intended for Tom to be the leading star but all I know is that his performance completely outshone Mr McGregor’s. Following on from The Impossible, I thought that I should maybe give In The Heart Of The Sea a chance while I was still at the peak of my little frenzy. I experienced a similar feeling of enthralment towards this film as it was also based on a true story, however this one drew me in even further as it was apparently the true story that served as the basis for the classic literature novel; Moby-Dick.Unfortunately, I am rather ashamed to admit that I have actually not made a move towards picking up the novel and thus, the thought of maybe tackling the inspiration of said novel would pique my interest and perhaps motivate myself for the journey of sinking my paws into the classic.

Despite my wonderful god-like Australian acquaintance doing his best to mimic his finest American accent, I just could not develop a love for the story line at all. I was so completely against every single event that took place. Once again, I am rather swayed to let my review of the film flow out of my keen fingers and into this post. But alas, I must refrain from doing so as it would silently kill the possibility of me ever writing one on Linn Reviews. I honestly cannot form an opinion on Tom’s performance, within this film, at this present moment. However, his performance as the lonely orphan who suffered through hell, committed the deadliest sins and held onto the guilt of a lifetime, was definitely captivating not to mention thoroughly convincing beyond compare. Maybe I’ll just admit it. He performed brilliantly however I honestly would not be able to muster the strength within me to sit through another viewing of the film.

Tom Holland is a British twenty-year-old who is rapidly rising up to greet the world as he’s increasingly gaining more exposure at an almost terrifying rate. His fans are increasing and so are the lists of films that his name’s rapidly getting plastered upon. Despite, his almost chameleon ability to morph into an American accent so seamlessly which is undoubtedly considered to be one of his many talents. I have this underlying fear that he’ll progressively alter his British accent into something foreign and alien. If that day were to ever see the light, it would be most devastating and I might require at least 24-hours of solitude to mourn over such a great loss.

Tom’s talents began with his love for dancing which slowly progressed into learning how to tap-dance and perform ballet; not to forget his already existing skill of Hip Hop. Once attaining the role of Billy, Tom had to sing on stage whilst dancing his heart out for over 2 years. Gymnastics was also one of his many initial talents and he still practices and hones his skill of it religiously as he’s managed to land the role of a lifetime because of it. Unknown to most, as he has yet to find any use of it for most of his existing roles, Tom derives enjoyment and excels at basketball, snowboarding, golf and water activities (aquatics?).

It is no wonder that many have labelled him as being impossibly perfect. I do admit that he is immensely talented beyond compare. However, he still has yet to alter my resolve of nobody being perfect. We may not know it due to the very one-dimensional factor of the mass media; but I would be willing to bet on the fact that Tom is indeed flawed just like the rest of us. And if he truly is as down-to-earth and as level-headed as the media has portrayed him to be; I’m pretty confident that he would admit to his flaws faster than a heartbeat. For me, it was not his appearances and his rising fame which had appealed to me and I have not yet found myself ever contemplating ‘how’ or ‘why’ he has experienced such success. The answer is simple. It’s his mentality, his drive and his persistence that has brought him thus far.

He had tasted the working life at the youthful age of 12. The role of Billy Elliot did not land in his lap and he did not magically roll out of bed and onto the musical stage. He had set the exhausting yet brilliant musical role as a goal of his after being a fan of the musical and he had to train as well as endure two years of auditions and a side role of Billy’s best friend before finally attaining the star role of Billy Elliot. During his years of performances, it was required of him to live away from home and in a house with all of the other actors. At such a young age he was able to discipline himself and focus on his work. It almost makes me embarrassed to admit the fact that I’ve just freshly entered ‘adulthood’ and have yet to incorporate such discipline in my life.

He was placed through the harshest conditions in The Impossible, he suffered injuries on set and yet he managed to send tears cascading down my cheeks as his convincing display of pure agony had me flooding my entire room.

[Honestly, I had stalled this post for an unbelievably long period of time that I have completely forgotten what I was even trying to write. Therefore, let’s just avoid the pretence and perhaps I’ll just continue on with my current perspective on this whole situation.]

Tom Holland is a young man who appears to be the epitome of raw talent. However, he has carved this road out through all of his years of sheer effort and perseverance and he has really motivated me to try a little harder and go a little further. Tom is now this huge celebrity who works away from home and follows a never-ending schedule. I’m thrilled that he’s been enjoying the limelight now and honestly, the last two months -for me- felt completely surreal as I was working away from home; in some ways it felt as if I was able to share the same experience as Tom. Flying alone, sleeping in an unknown bed and missing everything associated with home. It didn’t really help when Tom was able to tear himself away from work to spend Christmas with his family whilst I was still working in another country; completely unable to see my family. I’m going to be honest, it felt like Tom was ditching our one-sided comradery.

An update? I did fall in love with Tom Holland, however my love for him has definitely faltered over the past month or so. As per usual, fame works wonders on altering one’s character and perhaps it’s finally working its magic on Tom. I’m definitely one of the firsts and rare few that shares this view but Tom’s different now. Maybe he was always a little cocky and the media never caught onto it but it doesn’t matter because I really do not know Tom. All I know is this wonderful persona that he has fed to the media however underneath all of that, he’s just a stranger. That’s all he is. And that’s all he will ever be to me.

 

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Soon to be Graduated

Good day!

This post has been long overdue. I should have written and posted this last week. However, I was thoroughly enjoying the feeling of liberation after the completion of my last paper. After all of the grief that have occurred these past two years, my high school life has finally come to an end. I have just completed my final WACE examinations which ultimately means that I am finally done with my twelve years of compulsory schooling and I am ready to move onto the next stage of my life. Adulthood.

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Just A Quick Flashback

Hello.

Yes, it has been a while. No, I did not intentionally leave you. Yes, I will be writing more. No, I’ll only start writing on a regular basis once I’ve given my best in embracing my studies. Yes, I’m only writing this right now because I feel the need to.

So let’s get to it, shall we?

Of course, you might not have noticed but within the span of the last two years, I’ve evolved into a very cynical person. Specifically, I’ve been very cynical about love. That’s right, the girl that has been infatuated with all things romantic crap has been flipped around completely. And now, I don’t believe in love. Let me clarify some things. I believe in platonic love between friends and family. I still believe in that. Yes, even after that whole traumatic incident within our family. I’ve realised that it’s fragile and that it takes a lot of effort to piece back a family but I would still say it’s love. Sure, there are secrets and things that we choose to ignore but it’s somehow functioning right now. I would still say that I love my brother. No matter how stupid he is and how much hate I felt for him, I still love him. I still have a lot of hate towards him, for what he did but I still believe that I love him. So, yes, I still believe in love between family. But I don’t believe in romantic love. Not anymore.

I think that it’s complete and utter bullshit.


Certain events have led me to my current perspective of everything and honestly, I regret nothing. I wouldn’t go back and change anything. I think that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. I don’t want to be emotionally attached to anyone. I’m content in that aspect of my life. No, I’m not saying that I never want to marry someone and be happy with that certain someone. But right now, no, I don’t want to be with anybody. Honestly, I don’t know what ‘love’ is. Of course, many people say that ‘love’ is when you notice certain things about that someone and ‘love’ is when it doesn’t feel right when that person isn’t around.

WHAT. BULLSHIT.

SCREW MAKING UP EXCUSES AS TO WHY YOU CAN’T CONCENTRATE. SCREW WILLINGLY LETTING PEOPLE AFFECT YOUR EMOTIONS.

You can’t help falling in love. Love just happens.

Yeah, screw that load of nonsense.

As Malcolm/Kevin Doyle once said: “Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind.”

For some reason, it seems as if a lot of people around me have been breaking up.

My sister broke up with her boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. Apparently it was a toxic relationship. She was putting a lot more effort into the relationship than he was. There were some other details but I don’t think that it would be quite so appropriate if I were to disclose them here. The thing is, from the very beginning- 3 years ago- the whole family could tell that my sister was definitely the only one in that relationship that actually worked to make it work. However, she kept insisting that that was not the case until, she couldn’t take it anymore and so she broke things off and finally admitted to herself that that was indeed the case.

She claims that she still loves him and that she will ALWAYS love him.

I do understand where she is coming from, to a certain degree.


I have mentioned this before, on my other blog, where I did ‘fall in love’ with my best friend..and…

I did feel that way. I felt that I would always like him. That I would always love him as a best friend would. I felt that no matter how badly I wanted to forget him, no matter how badly I wanted to erase the memories or no matter how much I wanted to stop feeling anything towards him- I wouldn’t be able to do it. At that time, he was all I could ever possibly think about.

And I get it. It’s hard. It’s hard to suddenly realise that you’ve put so much time and effort into this one thing and now you just have to watch it all fall apart and know that you can’t possibly do anything to save it. It’s hard. It will take time. It will hurt.

At that time, I did not understand.

I hated it. I wanted to go back and change everything. If I had done this or done that, would things have been different? Would I have been happy?

No. Now I can safely say that. I do not like him. I do not need him. I don’t need anybody. And I definitely would not change anything even if I could.

It did take time. It took some time for me to realise that I was being very stupid. It took time for me to realise that I didn’t know what love was. It took time for me to realise that I didn’t need to love anybody.

But I do realise that, ‘that’ is definitely NOT love. Love is not about loving someone blindly. Love is not about prioritising someone to the point of losing yourself. Love is not about hurting yourself for the sake of loving that person. That is not love. If you feel like you can’t operate without that someone, then there’s your problem right there.

During my time of ‘loving’ that someone, I found myself blaming myself whenever he suddenly exploded in my face. To the point of feeling the need to apologise to him even though I had clearly not done anything wrong. I hated it. That was definitely not love. I was placing that person before me in everything. I was losing myself. Love is not about conforming yourself to match that person.

After I realised that it needed to stop, that I needed to wake up and start loving myself, I began to change. As you already know, I personally don’t believe in a love where you blindly place someone before you. (Just to clear things up. When I say this, I mean, where you willing accept shit from that person and you love someone more than they love you. That kind of ‘love’. I don’t believe in it. It’s not right.) I began to change in that aspect. I also changed by trying new things and learning how to operate without him by my side. Because really, when I decided to distance myself from him and completely remove him from my life, I didn’t just lose someone that I liked… I lost my best friend.

It was really hard. I had been friends with him for a decade and losing that was an incredibly low point in my life. It also didn’t help that that was also the period in which, my brother had left us and that was the time that I really needed his support. He did try to comfort me during that period but both of us knew that it was awkward and that it wasn’t right.

I ignored him for a year. I felt that it was necessary, in order for me to slowly heal myself.

I’m sure he didn’t like it. And maybe it was horrible for me to do that. But it was finally time for me to be a little bit selfish. I ignored everything. It started off with me not speaking to him. Then I ignored his messages. I ignored his apology for him not being able to to see me when it was my birthday. (Okay, that one took me by surprise. I didn’t think that he would actually send me that message) I ignored him when he tried to talk to me at school. Yes, even when he called out my name. I ignored him to the point that he felt the need to purposely walk straight into me. It hurt walking into his chest like that. And still, I ignored him.

Yes, it was unfair for me to end our friendship like that but I really couldn’t stand him at that point. Even though it wasn’t his fault, I had to do it.


Three months ago, we finally talked.

It was normal. I was finally able to look him in the eyes and be confident with the fact that I was happy without his companionship. Now, things are okay.

We’re not the friends that we used to be but it’s okay.

People grow, people fade…. and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

We still joke and laugh together. There’s no more ignoring from either party.

But it’s no longer the same. I never want it to be the same again. It was a great friendship but there’s no need for me to pursue that anymore. I don’t think about him anymore, I’ve stopped thinking about him for a year now. Sure, since that experience, I’m all I’ve got. People, they come and go but I am transcendent. I shouldn’t abuse myself by reducing myself to something so weak.

I would rather spend all that time and effort being happy, trying new things and growing as an individual.


I had to learn that I was just being a stupid high school kid. If you were like me, here’s some advice. It might feel like trying to pursue a crush is everything right now but… let me just tell you something that you already know. It’s not. It really isn’t. Just work on yourself. Love yourself and be a good student. That kind of love that I’ve been discussing this whole time, yeah… that love fades. It always does. Be it months or years, it will fade. And once it does, you don’t want to be left with an unaccomplished self. Because that’s just stupid.


That’s it. That’s all I guess. I just thought I would update on things because even though this is supposed to be my private blog, I haven’t been disclosing any personal matters and so this was just a little update on that. I am in my final year right now and I’m glad that that was all in the past. I’m not particularly smart and so I’m just going to do my best and have fun with it.

 

Here’s to bigger and better things!

And with that, I am done!

Christmas in 2015

Obviously, as all of us are officially in the year 2016. It only seems fitting for there to be a newly published blog post about the Christmas presents that were received last year. So let’s begin.

 

Presents from my sister/ my sister’s boyfriend:

I received a TYPO water bottle from my sister which has a giant ‘L’ on it. ‘L’ for Linn. She also bought be this great big daily 2016 planner; again from TYPO. She absolutely adores that store.

Her boyfriend bought me some Japanese Sencha tea from T2, a Japanese tea strainer and a Japanese tea cup. Very mature gifts there.

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(I bought tea for my parents too)

My mother bought me some jewellery. Very pretty. She bought me bracelets and one of them was for my sister. It’s a sister set, ‘big sis’ for her, ‘little sis’ for me. I think that it was extremely cute!

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My godparents then gave me an Oscar Wilde notebook. It has some of his works on the cover and inside as well. It completely made my day. My sister bought me one before, but it was the William Shakespeare one. I love these notebooks and maybe I’ll collect more of them in the future! I’m not too familiar with Oscar Wilde’s works but I’m definitely going to look into that a little more now.

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My best friend made a pillow for me. How awesome is that? Not to mention it’s incredibly squishy. She’s been on a pillow-making spree lately, She also bought me this journal from TYPO. I’ve never owned such a shiny object before. Not to mention that this is the best journal that I have ever owned. it’s very mature. – The ones that I’ve been using were free.

I absolutely love her because she knows me so well. No kidding her words were: “So what you do is, you write in your journal then when you get too emotional while doing that, you hug the pillow.” And check out her card. Brilliant.

 

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And on Boxing Day when I went out with my family to see if any of their sales were good. I came across Ed Sheeran’s Wembley Edition ‘Multiply’ album at KMart and it was the last of its kind on the shelves. And so I took it as fate and purchased it. It was one of the rare moments of me being …shall we say… spontaneous.

 

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I could spend a very long time expressing my love for this album, however that is not the purpose of this post. And so that shall be all.

 

Good Day.

2015 : The Stories.

We’re here.

We’ve made it through the entire year… and here we are on New Year’s Eve.

How do you feel? Has it been amazing for you?

This year… many things happened. Some good, mostly bad. But that’s just life.

For me… looking back on my past year of 2015, the things that immediately come to my mind are upsetting events that leave me feeling terrible. But I’ve realised that that shouldn’t be the case. There were many things that unfolded this year that I’m extremely happy about and grateful for. I thought, if this is the end of the year and I can’t change what has happened (I wouldn’t want to anyway because things happen for a reason, even if it’s not to our advantage.) then I should just be thankful for the things that did.

Hence, here is my compilation of my ‘first times’ for this year.

For starters, I picked up a guitar.  I finally did it. It was always at the back of my mind to learn how to play the guitar. This was obviously heavily influenced by my brother and Jack Johnson, initially, however it’s now turned to Ed Sheeran – and Shawn Mendes had a small part in it too. So I am now a proud owner of my very own guitar. I received him this year for my seventeenth birthday, it is technically a second-hand guitar since my parents and sister found him at Cash Converters for fifty dollars, however he is in excellent condition (looks band new to me) and I named him Mori. I love him immensely and I’ve learnt to play the intros of two songs on him. (‘Fast Car’ by Tracy Chapman and ‘Small Bump’ by Ed Sheeran ) both self-taught and so I’m incredibly slow but I thoroughly enjoy it and it makes me happy.

Speaking of Ed Sheeran, I’m grateful for knowingly falling in love with him for the first time this year. If you have not read my other post this year, I have loved his songs for many years while I never knew that he had sung them. Going on from there, I’m equally grateful for having been able to attend my very first concert ever. It was surreal and unforgettable; it was amazing.

Wow.

I thought the Ed Sheeran streak was over but I guess not. I also bought my first album this year, as a Christmas present to myself from myself. Now when I say ‘my first album’. This isn’t my first album that I have owned however, it is most definitely the first album that was purchased with the intention of me being its first and sole owner. It is an Ed Sheeran album, his ‘Multiply- Wembley Edition’ album, to be exact. It not only contains his Multiply CD with the extra tracks but also his Jumpers for Goalposts film. I saw that it was the final copy on the shelf and it was a reasonable price of eighteen dollars so I just accepted it as fate and purchased it. This is probably the closest that I have ever accomplished in terms of ‘being spontaneous’. ‘Tis True.

Moving on, I completely fell in love with the Harry Potter series towards the end of this year. Call me slow, for only seeing the beauty in it only now but I think that it’s okay. Brilliant, in fact. I’m at that age where I am somewhat able to proclaim myself as being semi-mature and I’m able to thoroughly enjoy it with this mindset. I love it. I’m absolutely in love with it.

I have also bought my first glass pen/ quill this year. I’ve been wanting to write with ink from a inkwell for the longest time and now I really enjoy honing my calligraphy/ handwriting skills.

Speaking of purchasing things. This next one isn’t necessarily a ‘thing’. It’s Thumper. My new and first official pet. (Meaning my fighting fishes that constantly killed each other are immediately excluded from this.) He’s a rabbit, a dwarf lop rabbit. We’re still currently debating its gender as apparently it is pretty difficult to distinguish a rabbit’s gender. My father thinks that he’s a girl, but I disagree. Thumper is now officially nearing 11 weeks old and we’ve almost had him for three weeks now. He’s adorable, silly and we all love him.

I’m going to finish off with that.

And look at that, two minutes till 2016.

 

I’ll see you there. A fresh new start. It’s in our hands. So let’s make the magic happen.

The Tale of Little Monsters, Ed Sheeran and an Endless Night

Aloha.

Considering that my last post was uploaded last week, I’d say that I’m still in the safe zone. This post will be slightly different compared to my other ones, just because it’s a little bit more exciting and eventful.

I don’t think that I’ve mentioned it before on this blog but I was indeed scheduled to see Ed Sheeran in Perth on the second of December this year. I had been waiting for this day for a little over six months and when it finally happened… it just felt completely surreal. But it happened and I still cannot form the words to describe how I felt. (Except maybe… ‘awestruck’. Shout out to Wilder)

Well… let’s begin this tale shall we?

On the days leading up to the second of December, I felt surprisingly normal about everything. However that day was an extremely big day. I was scheduled to return back to school to aid with the Orientation Day; meaning I was to spend seven hours guiding little year sixes around the school, making sure that they were able to go to the toilet, not get lost, while all providing information about what High School life was going to be like.

It was exhausting. Luckily, we (my friends and I) were allocated with the nicest little twelve-year-olds. They didn’t complain a lot and they were extremely good at listening and following instructions. Not to mention, they were absolutely adorable.

After those seven hours, my friend and I walked back to her house. (We were going to the concert together, her mother was extremely kind and supplied the Ed Sheeran concert ticket to me) The temperature was around thirty-seven degrees and the Sun wasn’t doing us any favours either.

After a quick dinner, getting changed and waiting for the other girls to change. (I took five minutes to change. Somehow, it took them an hour and a half. The world works in mysterious ways.) We finally set off to NIB Stadium.

From there, we met up with some of my other friends and the concert began. Luckily, we were able to find a standing area that was right in front of the centre of the stage. Seeing Foy Vance, Passenger and Ed Sheeran perform was terribly exciting.

I found Foy Vance and Passenger extremely adorable. They gave me the impression that they were shy and had low self-esteem issues by talking about how they knew that nobody really wanted to see them and that everyone was just waiting for Ed Sheeran to walk up on stage.

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It was so refreshing seeing such big names acting so humble and down-to-earth.

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In the middle of Passenger’s performance, it finally hit me that it was him. I was actually seeing him right now, in real life. This was him. And another thing hit me. If this really was Passenger then I was really going to see Ed Sheeran soon. Me. I was going to see Ed. The amazing hairy orange man that I loved. His guitar skills, his voice, his humour; everything. (Obviously, in a completely platonic way) That twang and sudden burst of realisation struck me and my whole body felt tingly, this was it, my heart was beating fast and I felt completely breathless. It was amazing and I felt like crying in the happiest way possible.

Rudimental was also there, but I was never a really big fan of them. Though I did find out that they were the artists behind ‘Waiting all Night’. That was brilliant. I really had fun singing and dancing to that song.

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And finally, the stage was dark and clips of foetus Ed (that makes me laugh. I love how fans come up with the strangest terms) started flashing across the screen until the one and only Ed Sheeran came up running onto the stage. He played his song: ‘One’ first. Before having a quick chat with us  and of course saying the words that I have been longing to hear for so long…

Hi, my name is Ed, my job for the next two hours is to entertain you, your job is to be entertained. Can I get a “HELL YEAH”?

Thankfully, I recorded it and he moved on to singing “Lego House” which matched my predictions.

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Everything about it was amazing. We sang, we danced and Ed never messed up on the guitar throughout the whole thing. I want to play like him. I’m still learning. But maybe one day I’ll be half as good as he is now.

The concert ended at eleven o’clock that night and I only ended up falling asleep at two thirty in the morning. Courtesy of having a sleep over, watching Anastasia and my friend and I talking.

The next day once I got back home, I had received a notification… from Passenger.

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It completely made my day. Especially since I was not expecting him to reply. I just wanted to send some love his way especially after all that he had said while he was up on stage.

Everything was amazing.

 

And seeing as how this was my first concert experience. I would say that it definitely went out with a bang.

The only cons of the concert were the screaming pre-pubescent girl and the lack of water. (As well as the incredibly old sugar-daddy next to me.) 

 

Summer Break: I’m Back.

It’s been months.

I’m just going to be upfront and honest, because that’s the only way this relationship is  ever going to work out. That’s the only way any relationship is ever going to work out. It is the fundamentals that is the key to functioning. So I just have to put it out there.

I was neglecting you. I was definitely not treating you right.

This is a space. A space that I have to fill with my writing. It isn’t fair if I don’t do that. It’s not fair for both of us. So I’ll try being a better writer. I’ll try writing more. I’ll put more effort into doing so. No matter how busy my life gets, it isn’t fair if you get ignored by me.

That is why, this summer, I’ll be writing a lot more.

I hope that you’ll be there for me.

And so, that is a goal of mine. To write more.

I have set this goal for myself before, back in 2014. And I did end up reaching that goal. I definitely wrote a lot that year. Don’t believe me? I had set this goal at the beginning of that year and by the end I had already written four journals without even thinking about it twice. It’s funny isn’t it? How just stating a simple goal ensures that you gravitate towards it.

I’m sure that all of you have experienced this mysterious wonder at least once in your life.

It’s amazing isn’t it?

I don’t know about you but 2015 hasn’t been too great for me. It think that one of the reasons was that I didn’t have a particular goal in mind that I wanted to achieve. I never stated anything in particular and I found myself feeling rather lost and unaccomplished throughout many stages of this year. And so this upcoming year, I’m going to be the difference.

Join me.

Set goals for yourself.

Yell it out for the entire world to hear.

Hold yourself accountable to it.

And please, promise me that you’ll stop running away.

Run forwards.

Move forwards.

Chase your dreams.

Be your dreams.

Be proud.

Be brave.

Let’s do this.

No Longer the Fifth Member

From a couple posts ago.. I revealed a rather disturbing thing that had happened.

After many things that have unfolded for the past couple of months.. I’m no longer the fifth member. I am number four. (Yes, that is a movie reference, but this is serious.)  I don’t feel comfortable with disclosing too much information but the bottom line is, he left us, he walked out on this family. He chose a life of lies, vulgarity and disappointment.

As a result of his decision, our family of five has become a family of four.

Tears were shed, dust was cleared and we shall continue to rise from all of this; stronger and wiser.

Be strong.

[Update] The Tale of Reading, Darkness and Failures

Hola.

I’m back, so far.. I think it’s safe to say that I’m doing a pretty good job at keeping up with these posts. Sure, they’re not exactly ‘daily’ posts but I’d say it’s pretty close.

Today was my first day back at school.

For the past two weeks,  all the seniors (Year 11 & 12) were slaving away and sitting for exams so there weren’t any classes for us, exam students, to attend. Out of that whole two weeks break, I was only able to fully enjoy the last three days, only because the rest of the days were filled with panic, stress and sitting for hours on end in a giant room filled with fellow half-dead students.

With that being said, let’s bring it back to.. ‘Today was my first day back at school’.

It’s a new day, a new topic for all of my subjects. Basically, a fresh start.

I started off the day at 5:20AM but only felt the strength to unravel myself out of my sheets at 5:40 AM.  Usually, I wake at 5:20 to fit in a little yoga session on my mat and finishing just in time to begin school preparations at 6:00AM. However, on this particular morning I wasn’t feeling it and I didn’t want to push myself to get onto the mat because I don’t know about you but I have committed myself to yoga practice for the sole purpose of relaxation. I don’t want to push myself to do yoga when I clearly do not wish to because it’ll just produce a really undesirable effect.

In end, I spent the time slowly easing into my day.

I left the house at the usual time: 6:55AM to catch the bus to the nearest train station.

On this particular morning the sky was unusually dark and the sun was late in its early rising duties. At this point in time, I found the change rather … refreshing.

Once I stepped onto the train, I began a new reading adventure by making a start on the book: Great Expectations. Which is a book written by Charles Dickens. I’m not going to lie, I probably wouldn’t have picked up a book like this if I was left with the choice. However, my literature class will be studying this text by the next term and I thought it would be a sensible idea if I made a dent in it while I had the time.

While I was in  the midst of doing so an announcement was made. It was the driver, informing all the passengers that the train will be stopped at the next station for as little as a couple of minutes to as long as twenty minutes due to a bank-up of trains at the second last stop to the city. (Which was where I needed to get off)

This had never happened before so I was a little worried. I had a bus I need to catch at that stop, I couldn’t afford to wait twenty minutes.

Luckily, that little intermission only lasted around five minutes and then things proceeded as normal. In the end, I was still able to make it in time to catch the bus that I needed to catch and things were all fine and good.

Wrong.

I received the results to three out of six exams that I sat for. I scored well for one of them but I failed the other two. Things were definitely not looking good.

It wasn’t a complete shock to me since I had a sinking feeling about it after leaving the examination room but it doesn’t change the fact that I failed.

Today just wasn’t a good day and I got it. That unusual darkness this morning? It was prefect foreshadowing for my failures that I had to face today.

But it’s okay. I failed.

I failed and I can’t do anything but accept it. There’s no side-stepping this, I just have to face it.

As a quote once said:

“Successful people dare to fail but refuse to be defeated by failure.”

Moping around about failing will do me no good. I’ve got get back up and get revenge.

And what’s the best revenge?

“Success is the best revenge.”– Ed Sheeran

 

I’m going to start by taking advantage of this fresh start by preparing for the next exam tonight. I’m going to use the time I have while I have it.

Let’s make this work.

 

 

The Tale of the Disappointed and Pissed-Off Fifth Member

Bonjour.

As mentioned in my previous post.. I have come to the conclusion that I would update more frequently on this blog site. And that I shall do.

However, I didn’t think that the topic I would be covering for my first official post back would be this.

As mentioned in my very first post on this site, I talked about how I was the fifth member and how I had an older brother. The topic that I’ll be covering today will be a little touchy, a tad bit personal and all-round hush-hush. However, seeing as how this is my blog and I’ll be telling the events that occur in [The Tale of the Fifth Member].. I think that I should be free to write honestly and freely.

So let’s see…

Several months ago, my parents left the country for a month and my sister had been away on an internship for a couple of months too. During this time, the house was left to both my brother and I. Of course, my brother decided to drop the ‘secret girlfriend bomb’ on me. Not only that, I also became aware of the fact that this woman was twelve years my brother’s senior, had no education past the age of twelve and was an illegal immigrant from China to boot!

Not only was that a shocker, he wanted to bring this girl over to stay at the house for the month that my parents weren’t around. Of course, I was utterly against this. No way was I going to ever be okay with it.  But after the nights of screaming, crying and yelling.. I agreed to meet with her and then make my decision. I should applaud my brother’s acting. I genuinely believed him when he got down on his knees and started begging me.

Because the night he brought her and the moment she stepped into the house, there was no turning back. He was going to have her stay here, no matter what. And I had absolutely no stay in it. And so it began.

During the days of her staying over, let’s just say, I realised how stupid this girl really was. [Oh yeah, by the way, did I mention she can’t speak a word of English? And she’s been staying here for over two years now.]  Her knife skills are absolutely terrible, not only that, the way she dumps the knife everywhere with the sharp side facing up. Not only that, she never learns! I told her countless of times not to do that, yet she still does so! Remember this isn’t her house, so she shouldn’t have the liberty of potentially kill the people who live in it!

Not only that, but obviously, it’s completely necessary for her to prance around the house in my brother’s T-shirt and boxers. Seriously, she stayed in that ensemble for the whole month. Not only did that sight burn my eyeballs, but watching her attempt to straddle my brother at every chance she gets, or hearing her moans coming from my brother’s room at two in the morning really did a bang-up job of triggering my gag reflex.

Both of them were so selfish, sure fine, feel free to do all those sick stuff IF YOU’RE ALONE. But come on, I really don’t need to see that crap.

To top it off, she even wanted to pay this druggy that forced his crappy cleaning services on the highway. Even after my brother told her not to flash him the money more than ten times. And she’s meant to be the thirty two year old here.

Two weeks after my parents came back home, my brother dropped the ‘girlfriend bomb’ on them too. Of course, after hearing the circumstances in which this girl was in, they weren’t too ecstatic about it. You could even say the house hold turned into living hell as everyone turned onto each other and I even got the rump of it even though it had absolutely nothing to do with it.

After a week or so, she came over to our house and my parents met her for the first time. As far as my parents were aware off, that was the first time I met with her too. During this time, my opinion of this girl was that she was undoubtedly stupid but other than that.. it wasn’t that bad. My parents on the other hand claimed her to be manipulative and … somethings that were even worse than that.

Subsequent to this.. other things have unfolded however, everyone in this family had tolerated my brother’s bullshit but yesterday… I wasn’t going to deal with his crap anymore. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.

In the middle of the night, last night, I head two pairs of footsteps, walking past my room, and then they separated. One went to the bathroom, the other to the toilet. Unless my brother developed two pairs of feet… I knew something was up.

After poking my head into his room while both of them were showering together, my suspicions were proved to be right when I saw that girl’s phone sitting on his bed and her handbag tucked behind his bed. THAT WAS IT.

This boy had the nerve to sneak this girl in, without informing my parents (fully knowing how my parents felt about his relationship with this girl), without informing me and he thought he could get away with this crap with my parents in the next room. He might’ve gotten away with it. But I have had enough of this shit. It wasn’t fair on my parents, this was their house and they didn’t deserve to have some illegal immigrant snooping around.

After waking up my parents are 12AM, I gave them the 411 and my mother pounced onto them once they came out of the shower. God was it unsightly. My brother was wearing nothing but his boxers and the girl was also in the midst of getting dressed. And it was completely understandable when my mother snapped and started reprimanding the girl. However while all this was happening the girl didn’t even have the decency to face my mother. Instead her back was to my mother and she just kept stuffing all her crap into her goddamn handbag, wrapping her scarf around he neck in a rushed, haughty manner while completely ignoring my mother’s presence. THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW.

This girl was a complete bitch! A shit brained, bitchy, skanky, two-faced snake in the grass!

And all she did was hide behind my brother and act as if both of them were the victims here.

It took me all my willpower to stop myself from pouncing on her and slapping the shit out of her.

The way she ‘apologised’ with absolutely not hint of remorse was enough for me to break my silence and speak my mind.

I won’t go into the details but in the end, the girl threw a tantrum.

And now here we are, the family’s broken.

My brother was finally given the ultimatum, either leave the manipulative cow or move out.

I hope he’s happy now.

I’m utterly disappointed in his stupidity.

And this may sound horrible, but I’ve completely given up on him.

In the future, I can see it now, that girl isn’t going to stick with him… her future is going back to China and entertaining old men who waste their life away in dusty old rooms by gambling and pouring tea for them. She doesn’t want to have kids and honestly, after the three years that they’re not allowed to meet each other, she’ll (frankly) be way too old to do so.

So that’s what he’s leaving his family for, a mainly sexual relationship with a woman that’s nearly old enough to be his mother that spends her life in a crapshoot and she doesn’t even have the motivation to attempt to learn the English language, instead she spends all her free time watching Hong Kong dramas in my brother’s underwear. She’s really living the glamarous life dotcha’ think?

I hope for her sake, she never sees me again, because next time I won’t be satisfied until I slap her or give her a suckerpunch, whichever suits my mood on that day.

I’m sorry for that whole dump.

I hope all of you have a great day.

The End.